Reauthoring Queer Relationships

Rachel Chada, MHC

Staff therapist Rachel Chada, MHC, explores the impact of the lack of mainstream LGBTQ+ stories on the couples and individuals she works with.

While mainstream media generally misses the mark in portraying any sort of authentic, healthy relationship, it especially does so for queer folks. Historically, we tend to only see queer stories shrouded in trauma—a dramatic coming out, obsession, infatuation, infidelity, suppressed identities, secrecy, violence, and tragedy. Why can’t we just get a happy ending, Netflix!?

While queer experience cannot be separated from trauma, our stories are not solely that.

There are just as many tedious, mundane aspects of a queer relationship that we don’t often get to see. Because we’re lacking in aspirational queer relationship models, we typically look to heteronormative archetypes of love as examples of what to strive for. While there’s much to be learned from any type of love, differences in power dynamics, societal expectations, and lived experience can make it feel like there’s a disconnect. 

It’s hard to be in a type of relationship that you have so few examples of. 

This is where the magic of narrative therapy comes into play. I work with queer couples and individuals to reauthor the stories of what relationships should look like to be closer to what you want them to be. We examine the expectations handed to you by your family of origin, culture, and systems of oppression while working to identify your values and beliefs for a present or future relationship. 

While this is a helpful exercise for clients of any identity, I especially find it useful for my LGBTQ+ clients. Narrative therapy allows you to reclaim power and craft the relationship you want for yourself (beyond the secretive, traumatic relationships modeled for you). Sure, it wouldn’t be as interesting to binge-watch, but it can be so much more fulfilling to live.

Rachel Chada, MHC-LP is a psychotherapist for couples and individuals, trained to support all relationship structures and individual identities. Reach out here to book your free, 15-minute consultation.