How to Cultivate Self-Love
Rachel Damin, MHC
“Be enough for yourself first, the rest of the world can wait” - Emily Brontë, Wuthering Heights
What is Self-Love? & Why is it important?
Self-Love is about showing compassion and care towards yourself. Essentially, Self-Love is a state of being wherein you are able to unconditionally appreciate yourself, value your own wellbeing, and accept yourself for who you are. Self-Love is also a significant component of developing increased self-esteem.
Studies show that increasing self-love can aid in the improvement of overall mental, physical, and emotional wellbeing. Additionally, the practice of self-love can significantly decrease the risk of developing mental health issues such as depression and anxiety and can lead to an overall reduction in every day stress.
Research points to the concept that those who practice self-love are less likely to be critical of themselves, are more resilient, and are better able to assert and express their needs. These same studies indicate that individuals who practice self-love are better able to form honest and healthy relationships and are overall less likely to be involved in unhealthy or abusive relationships. And lastly, self-love behaviors and tendencies are positively correlated with improved problem-solving abilities and decreased instances of procrastination behaviors.
How can I do it?
So Self-Love sounds incredible (and really hard), right?!
If this idea of holding unconditional compassion toward yourself feels really challenging (or maybe impossible!) to you, that is okay! Self-Love is not necessarily something that anyone has naturally from birth. While some people may feel more comfortable showing themselves compassion and love, for others it might seem extremely strange and uncomfortable. With that in mind, it is important to remember that Self-Love isn’t just a state of being, it is an ever-evolving practice that grows with time and requires effort, mindfulness, and intentionality.
Self-Love can look like many different things – It can look like maintaining firm boundaries, nourishing yourself with healthy foods, getting a good night’s rest, or even, participating in healthy relationships. Below are a few self-love practices that can help you to jumpstart your self-love journey!
Practice mindfulness
Take care of your physical body
Develop a positive affirmation practice
Make a list of your best qualities
Spend time alone
Engage with hobbies that make you feel joy
Limit or avoid activities that make you feel self-conscious or down
Developing a regular self-love practice is about honoring your needs and valuing your own happiness and well-being. If at first these strategies feel strange or uncomfortable – that is okay! It may not be the right technique for you or it might just take some time for it to feel more natural. If you are feeling down, anxious, or poorly about yourself, remember that you are not alone, you deserve to feel good, and you deserve to be loved.
References
Campbell, W.K., Foster, C.A., & Finkel, E.J. (2002). Does self-love lead to love for others? A story of narcissistic game playing. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 83(2), 340-354.
Freire, E. (2013). The healing power of self-love. Therapy Today, 24(9), 34-35.
Frostadottir, A. D., & Dorjee, D. (2019). Effects of Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT) and Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT) on Symptom Change, Mindfulness, Self-Compassion, and Rumination in Clients With Depression, Anxiety, and Stress. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1099–1099. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01099
Holmes, L. (2014). Five science-backed reasons it’s important to love yourself. The Huffington Post. Retrieved from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/30/love-yourself-science-study_n_5900878.html
Werner. (2011). Self-compassion and social anxiety disorder. Anxiety, Stress, 25(5), 1–16. https://doi.org/info:doi/