“Is it too early on in my relationship to do couple’s counseling?” How to know whether you and your partner are ready.

Valeria Aliendres, MHC

Have you ever wondered if your relationship could use the help of a professional? Maybe you’re not sure if the amount or type of conflict you are experiencing warrants going to couple’s counseling. Everyone argues, right? Things aren’t perfect, but no one’s relationship is. These are common and fair questions couples ask themselves as they make the important decision of whether to seek therapy or not. Essentially, how do you know if your problems are “serious” enough to require some form of intervention? Spoiler alert: It’s completely up to you!

Recently, I was asked if I thought there was such a thing as going to couple’s counseling too early on in a relationship. For example, is it too early to go to counseling together if the relationship is only 8 months old? My answer is no, it is never too early. Relationships, whether romantic or not, are the most precious things we have in our life. To feel connected and valued by someone we love is a feeling that we all seek to experience. So, it makes total sense to invest time and energy into fixing what is not working in our relationships, and amplifying what does work well. 

While it is important to be responsive to conflict as it occurs, it is also important to be proactive in regard to strengthening the foundation of the relationship so that it can endure tougher challenges down the line. For instance, studies show that participating in premarital counseling reduces the likelihood that a couple will divorce later on. In fact, it increases relationship satisfaction by about 30%. That sounds amazing, doesn’t it? Think of it this way: You notice a slight discomfort in your body. At first, it might not be a big deal. It gets annoying, sure, but you’re certain that if you just get some rest it will go away. Unfortunately, the discomfort continues to grow. You start to wonder what might be wrong, and if it’s serious. Should you go to the doctor yet? Just to be certain, you do. It turns out that what was bothering you might not have been a huge deal in the moment, but if left untreated it would turn into a much more serious and painful problem. See where I’m going here? Being proactive about learning skills that will help you be better partners to one another not only serves to be useful in the present, but also in the future when other conflicts arise. 

Traditional ideas of what the order of events should be in a relationship are becoming less and less common each day. Meaning, although your parents or grandparents might have once upon a time waited to be married for a long period of time before considering counseling, modern couples might be open to the idea a lot sooner and without the need for other social labels. While you might not necessarily start couples counseling on a second date with someone, I believe it is never too soon to begin. If it feels like the right time for you and your partner, it likely is!