A Compassionate Approach to Achieving Your Goals: Part 2

Sam Silor, MHC

Here are some additional tips from a recovering perfectionist that I hope will help you approach your next project, dream, or vision with a balanced combination of compassion and action. 

4. Progress Not Perfection (or Procrastination):

Action is the gap from dream to reality. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that procrastination is a form of coping. You are not lazy, you’re trying to survive. Your brain is wired to protect you from risks. 

Having flexibility in your dreams is key to achieving them. We can become attached to making sure we or our end results are perfect. Procrastination awards immediate gratification. Yes, it may provide a nice band-aid of relief, but procrastination may also reinforce negative thoughts or beliefs you have in yourself. It’s hard to believe you can be successful if you think you are incapable of achieving your goals.

Be in tune with what you feel when you find yourself procrastinating. Knowing what overwhelms you or what is too much is a big piece of resilience. Procrastination can be a way of telling yourself “This isn’t working, what can I let go of?” 

5. Don’t Compare Yourself to Others:

I’m guilty of this. You scroll on Instagram and see a feed full of engagements, weddings, newborns, career accomplishments, and major life milestones. Don’t forget what you see on social media is a facade. People are unlikely to post to their digital friends about their harder moments and the struggles it took even to make that happy post we see.

Avoiding comparison is especially true through an intersectional lens. Systemic racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia, ableism, and anti-blackness impact how we achieve our goals. Maybe the person who posted that new apartment has the support of their family via finances or connections. We are operating in a white supremacist capitalist patriarchy and many of us don’t fit under that umbrella but still feel cultural pressure to conform to it. As a white practitioner, I am aware that I benefit from white privilege and being cis-passing, and know that access is game-changing. There are people in this world that have had access to education, funding, and many other resources. This is why we should never measure our own goals against the success of others. Success is your definition and not determined by social media feeds.

6. Mentorship Matters: 

Don’t be afraid to talk! Mentors come in many shapes and forms. Be open to those who may provide guidance. There are people in your life that you admire for their work ethic, their creativity, or their resilience. Resource sharing and community building are a great ways to jumpstart your goals. The reality is that we don’t get from Point A to Point B alone. Behind every person you admire is a line of people that guided, inspired, resourced, and held them accountable for their dreams. 

Building a community is a wonderful way to support your dreams and also build powerful and meaningful relationships. There are many ways to find special interest groups on Facebook or Meet Up. It’s important to have your own space away from work and/or home aka the “third place” Whether it’s knitting or astrophysics, surround yourself with mentors that reciprocate your energy. Go down that hashtag rabbit hole on reels or tik tok and find people who light your fire!

Remember, it’s never “too late in the year” to get back on track so open up that notebook of ideas and run with it–I believe in you!