Unpackaging Generational Woundings: “be seen + not heard”
Camille Lester, MHC
Hello + Happy June! It has been a minute since I have had the chance to write and write with intention. I feel filled to the brim with gratitude and joy to be in ‘this space of being’ again. Lots of exciting things have happened in my corner of the world, which in many ways have genuinely refined my sense of understanding and experience as a clinician in the most nourishing of ways. Almost a year ago, I welcomed my son. He has forced me to see the complicated intertwined nature of the inner child, embedded generational patterns, and the bulwark power of our present presence. This blog serves as the beginning of a multi-part series entitled unpackaging generational woundings in the BIPOC community.
If you grew up BIPOC there is a high probability that the phrase “be seen and not heard” has found its way into the corners of your universe in some way shape or form. Whether through the vehicle of a stern talking to before company came over, before you went to visit someone's home, in the car headed to school, or before approaching a restaurant. As I have gotten older and have processed the bruised fruit from the seeds of this comment with clients, I find myself wondering…“if given the chance, what would we say/do without abandon?”
Being incessantly told to be seen but not heard travels beneath the surface of one's psyche. As a result, there is a low rumbling knowing that one's presence needs to be changed and/or manipulated in order to be loved. How much have we shrunk in the name of appeasing, acceptance, and desire?
To be seen + To be heard
I want to firmly state that our caregivers (without a doubt) did the best they could with what they knew at the time—and…but…yet there is healing that may need to be confronted in our own unique life path. Oftentimes, the key voices we were exposed to as children become the inner voices that inform the blueprint of our behavior as adults... So, where does healing begin?
Honor your inner- child
When we name the fact that hearing this comment day after day travels beneath the surface of our psyche and may inform our understanding of the world, we can also begin to name our needs. A critical step to the journey of healing begins with engaging with the younger more vulnerable versions of ourselves. The versions of self are curious, exploratory, engaged, questioning, rebellious, outspoken, and hopeful. The very versions that were silenced or quieted down. One of my favorite ways to begin the process of honoring the child within is to find a picture of yourself as a kid during a memorable year/season of life. Remember them. What did they love to do? What bought them joy? Invite their energy into this present season of your life by lovingly holding them in your mind, being curious about their needs and desires, gifting them with those met needs and/or desires in your present life, and engaging with some of those activities if you can.
Tap into your intuition
Once you have engaged with and can hold a visible image of the younger versions of yourself. Make space for their still small voice to surface into your heart. What do you now need and desire? Do you need to set a boundary with your friend? Do you desire to confront your colleague about some behavior that has left you feeling uncomfortable? Do you long to ask for support or help? Do you need to scream to release some built-up tension?
Do the wild
Yes, the wild! Simply put, honor yourself by daring to be seen and to be heard. You have the permission to love the younger parts of you while holding with tender care the present version of you. You have the permission to speak. You have the permission to be seen. You have the permission to be heard. YOU HAVE THE PERMISSION TO BE SEEN + HEARD!
With light,
C