Working with Parts

Ronni Umles, MHC

I started this post intending to talk about building out a routine, but when I sat down, I found myself become frustrated. It felt difficult to collect my thoughts and I became upset with myself for having procrastinated when I knew I had a deadline to meet.

I noticed an annoyance arising in my throat and belly, with tension in my neck, shoulders, and all around my head. At that point I decided to close my computer because staring at a blank screen just didn’t seem useful. I got up and paced for a moment when I realized what I was feeling was an intense amount of resistance. Naming it felt good and that part of me who felt resistant stepped forward, so I decided to dialogue with it. If you’re familiar with parts work, you’ll know what I mean. If you’re not, it may be useful to take a few moments to look up some articles on the topic.

Essentially though, parts work is an approach that embodies and acknowledges the idea that we are made up of different “parts” or “personalities.” Each having its own experience that then make up all “parts” of you. There is an inherent “Self” in parts work and there are different modalities that use parts work. One of the most well-known is Internal Family Systems created by Dr. Richard Schwartz. Working with our parts is not necessarily new, however. Parts work can also be found through spiritual practices like meditation, acting, working with archetypes, and even in energy medicine. Some people I’ve worked with, without having ever mentioned or introduced parts into our work, use the language naturally, “a part of me feels like” or “a part of me wants to.” This leads me to believe most of us can see through the lens of our parts.

So here I am, noticing the part of me feeling frustrated, annoyed, and resistant to writing this blog post. In seeking an outlet for dialogue, I decided to journal and freely associate the thoughts that needed to come out. By giving in and choosing to acknowledge the presence of these parts rather than fighting against them allowed me access to validate what I was really upset over. Ultimately, I was upset that I felt I hadn’t organized my time well enough to write something with impact. I could see how quickly I went to judging myself for having “procrastinated,” when the reality was, I just simply needed to rest yesterday. I needed to give myself a break. The idea of working on a weekend upset me because I value my time away from day-to-day responsibilities after a loaded work week. I also realized I had fallen behind on a different task that I told myself I would do during the week prior and didn’t get to.

Acknowledging my parts that were in conflict gave me space to not only meet myself where I was, it offered me reprieve and self-compassion. I widened my capacity to sit with discomfort as well as validate my experience. In this instance, I found flexibility in my boundary about working on the weekend so I could catch up on these tasks and prevent falling behind the next week. I overcame my resistance from a place of willingness as opposed to resentment. Even writing this post felt organic and it was more important to share how an experience like this can turnaround rather quickly. I’ll write about “routines” another time.

I encourage you to do some of your own work with parts. There are several books, articles, meditation practices, and therapists out there who work with parts. I am only just starting to incorporate parts into my practice with myself and clients, and the results have been significant.

Until next time,
Ronni Umles, MHC