How to Start Letting Go of Other People’s Opinion of You

Birch Cooper, MHC-LP

Whether we like it or not, we are to some extent affected by the opinions others have of us. The environment, the depth of our relationship or the potential for the person to have a positive or negative impact on our lives may affect how much we value their opinion. At times we internalize these opinions and either through learning or unconscious assimilation they become part of how we view ourselves. For those who are easily affected by others' opinions of them or those who take negative evaluations to heart, I offer the following concepts. However, first it's important to acknowledge that real, long-term change takes patience and practice. You may have been caught up in being liked and seeking validation or approval from others for a long time. Meaningful change rarely takes place overnight. However, below are some concepts and strategies that others have found helpful while working together.

Letting Go Of Other People's Opinion of You 

Most of us know that we can’t really control what other people think or feel. We do however have the capacity to shift our own thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. You have some control over the impact the opinions of others have on the way you see yourself. Acknowledging their current impact on you is an important step that can be followed by making a conscious choice to create some distance by letting go of their opinions.

Visualizations can help, for example, imagining physical space between you and a physical manifestation of someone’s opinion of you. A similar but more concrete method would be to imagine that someone’s negative opinion of you has been written on note cards. Feel the difference between visualizing holding them tightly against your chest and letting go of them one by one into a wastebasket.

Identifying exceptions can be a powerful reminder that it is possible not to be too attached to someone’s opinion of you. There is probably someone in your life whose opinion of you, you already do not care about. Taking time to reflect on what makes this person an exception can also yield helpful results.   

The Illusion of Opinions

What others see in you is simply their opinion. The Oxford Languages dictionary (2022) defines opinion as: “a view or judgment formed about something, not necessarily based on fact or knowledge.” The truth is, the opinions others hold of you are nothing but perception, filtered through their own experiences, expectations, or belief systems. Acknowledging that opinions are not facts can take some of the power out of them.

Be open to not being liked 

Acknowledging that most likely there is already a person or two who, for whatever reason, doesn’t like you can feel uncomfortable. It might be helpful to identify where in your body you feel that discomfort. Sitting with the discomfort for 3 to 5 minutes will help you start to habituate to it, but it is equally important to see what thoughts, fears, or memories come up when you sit with the feeling. Gaining insight about their source may help mitigate compensatory behaviors like avoidance or people-pleasing and provide motivation to find constructive alternatives.

What is your opinion of you?

What others think of you does not define you. What you see in you and the way it informs your behavior will have the strongest influence over what others see in you. The regard that you have for yourself or self-esteem is ideally based on your positive evaluation of yourself and is not swayed if someone happens to have a negative opinion of you. As always I recommend identifying the good and reminding yourself of it often. I hope the concept of letting go of the opinions of others is helpful as well.