Home for the Holidays: Setting Boundaries around Weight and Food with Family & Friends

Rachel Damin, MHC

The holiday season is typically regarded as a time of joy, tradition, and is marked by time spent with loved ones. However, for those who struggle with eating disorders (EDs) or body dysmorphic disorder (BDD), the holidays signify changes in daily routines around food, exercise, and clothing and can cause intense levels of stress, anxiety, and discomfort.

Many holiday traditions are centered around large family gatherings and shared meals, which can lead to uncomfortable conversations and comments about weight, eating habits, food choices, and exercise. Comments from loved ones, regardless of how well-intentioned, can be extremely triggering and can really get in the way of enjoying the present moment. Additionally, significant focus on these topics can lead to relapses in recovery from an ED including engaging in bingeing behaviors, purging behaviors, or other unhealthy compensatory behaviors such as restriction and over-exercising.

With this in mind, creating boundaries around these topics with loved ones can be a helpful way to protect your mental health and avoid participation in triggering conversations. Listed below are a few things to keep in mind when attempting to set boundaries around food and weight.

1. Identify and define the boundaries that YOU need.

2. Practice the conversation or create a script to determine the best way to communicate your boundary.
   Using the “DEARMAN” acronym can be helpful for communicating your boundaries with others.

   Describe the situation
   Express your feelings
   Assert what you would like to happen
   Reinforce why they should care about it.
   Maintain focus on your goal
   Appear confident
   Negotiate

3. Have the discussion at a neutral time or before the event occurs.