Breaking the Cycle

Valeria Aliendres, MHC-LP

Generational trauma is exactly what it sounds like - a traumatic experience or event whose effects can be felt by multiple generations in a family for years to come. The traumatic experience can entail anything from racism, poverty, abuse, a natural disaster, systemic oppression, chronic illness, etc. Oftentimes, the trauma impacts how individuals relationally attach to others, both within the family and outside of it. What might this look like specifically? Perhaps your family is overprotective and wary of “outsiders”. There might be an unspoken rule about not discussing feelings. Pain or suffering might be dealt with individually versus as a group due to stigma associated with showing “weakness”. Or it could even look like emotionally abusive roles and expectations established years ago that are continued to be reinforced today. Although generational trauma is sometimes easily identifiable, oftentimes it may present more covertly and be passed on to the next generation unconsciously. In fact, it can be as unconscious as passing it down through our DNA, which research has shown can be genetically altered through increased exposure to trauma. However, we don’t have to accept things as “just the way they are”. We can be the beginning to the end of the cycle. 

*Cue the cycle breakers*

Cycle breakers are individuals who may have noticed unhealthy patterns of behavior and decided they no longer want to participate in them. 

Cycle breakers have learned the importance of mental health and may even be the first in their families to see a therapist. 

Cycle breakers try to set boundaries for themselves that are congruent with their needs, feelings, and values, even when it goes against the family norms. 

Cycle breakers are courageous. Standing up to important people in your life and turning their eyes toward the pain and suffering they may have caused is an incredibly difficult path to walk down for all parties involved. It is a path that requires patience, compassion, empathy, self-awareness, and an establishment of strong boundaries when needed. Perhaps you will be met with support, understanding, and a desire to change. Or there is the chance you are met with confusion, denial, and resistance. 

If you are a cycle breaker - I see you. I know it can be a lonely and painful journey, but you deserve to heal and live your life in a way that feels authentic to you. I encourage you to seek to understand your family history, identify what feels unhealthy for you, and then work to replace these with more helpful practices and boundaries. You have the right to be heard, respected, supported, and valued for who you are. That may not always be congruent with how you’ve been taught to live your life thus far, but it’s never too late to break the cycle.