Coping Mechanisms: Finding Relief From Feelings of Grief, Stress, and Trauma

Ariel Emmanuel , MHC

Many of us are becoming more aware of our coping mechanisms as we witness the ways we have reacted to this global event. The Covid-19 pandemic, in combination with the revolution and call for justice for black lives, has caused many of us to feel unsettled and emotionally overwhelmed.  We may find ourselves engaging in unfamiliar patterns or noticing shifts in our thoughts and behaviors. 

Coping mechanisms are strategies people use to minimize the emotions that come from stress, grief, or trauma. We are currently experiencing an immense collective trauma by witnessing violence, brutality and a global virus claim the lives of our loved ones and our communities. Although some coping skills are intentional, many of our coping mechanisms are unconscious adaptations to these stressful events. We all cope with fear, panic, pain, grief, trauma, anger, and isolation in the only way we know-how. 

 For example, some people may have noticed an increase in maladaptive coping behaviors that they’ve only engaged minimally pre social-distancing. You may find yourself grabbing temporary comforts to experience some sense of joy and relief.  For others, isolation may be their go-to coping mechanism. If you're someone that feels comfortable and safe being alone, social distancing can feel oddly satisfying. However, increased connection with other people is imperative and especially beneficial for healing and growth.  

The coping mechanism that people use most frequently can feel good in the moment, but can often have detrimental impacts long-term. It can cause feelings of shame and guilt to come up for the lack of ability to manage yourself in the way you desire. The most important thing to know about coping mechanisms is that they serve a purpose and are there to help you. Coping mechanisms assist with processing and releasing emotions stored in the mind and body. Allow yourself to notice the coping behaviors that may be harmful. Find the time to engage in healthy coping mechanisms, and be kind to yourself if you fall back into using the unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Take some time to raise your awareness of how you deal with stressful situations. Be mindful, and allow yourself to hold all of your emotions with acceptance and equanimity. Remember to find balance and allow time for rest and self-care. Part of being effective in helping others or seeking justice is to first make sure your own cup is full. Allow yourself to balance productivity and self-care in a way that ensures you don't abandon yourself or your own emotions.

So, what are some examples of coping mechanisms that can be potentially harmful? How can you identify positive coping mechanisms that allow you to shift your mindset and actions? Here are some examples of healthy and unhealthy coping.

Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms:

• Social withdrawal and isolation

• Oversleeping, overeating and binging on comfort foods

• Staying up late/not sleeping or not eating 

• Mindless or excessive TV, video games, or social media scrolling

• Using medication, tobacco, or substances to numb our feelings

• Taking your emotions out on others around you

• Being guarded or easily defensive, irritable and angry

• Engaging in dangerous or risky behavior

• Staying distracted or busy to avoid uncomfortable feelings

• Focusing on other people’s emotions, problems, or issues to avoid our own

How to Shift Towards Healthy Coping: 

Move Your Body

• Workout or go for a run.

• Dance! Move your body to your favorite playlist.

• Take a brisk walk around the neighborhood.

• Do some yoga, stretching, or Qi-gong.

• Play a sport or go hiking

Connect With Others

• Talk through your emotions with a trusted friend/family member,

• Schedule FaceTime and zoom dates.

• Start group chats with a trusted friend group.

• Find healthy connections on social media.

• Find places you can volunteer and support.

• Engage in free classes online.

• Play with a pet.

Be Mindful and Shift Your Thoughts

• Say positive affirmations in the mirror.

• Journal your thoughts and feelings.

• Make gratitude and appreciation lists.

• Talk to yourself with kindness and love.

• Engage in meditation and mindfulness practices.

• Talk to a therapist or trusted professional.

• Take some quiet time to reflect alone.

• Forgive yourself! Especially if you're using negative coping mechanisms.

Rest and Engage in Joyful Activities 

• Utilize aromatherapy and surrounding yourself with calming smells (candles, incense, flower water, essential oils).

• Participate in guided meditations.

• Watch TV, videos, and social media content that makes you laugh/ lifts your spirits.

• Stay Hydrated, Drink lots of water and herbal teas.

• Take a warm bath or shower.

• Take 3 - 7 deep belly breaths.

• Read a good book or poem.

• Make a playlist of your favorite songs.

• Sing karaoke or sing in the shower.

• Take some time to be creative and connect with your inner child.

• Draw color, play puzzles and games, craft, sew, build, paint, etc.

• Engage in self-care moments with face mask self-massage, manicure pedicure.

• Care for plants, garden, and do some yard work.

• Clean and organize your space.

• Cook your favorite meal or bake your favorite dessert.

• Learn something new. Take a class or watch some youtube tutorials.