Redefining Mindfulness: A Gentle Path Home

Milou Haskin, MHC

As a mindfulness-based therapist, I frequently encounter misconceptions that have kept individuals from fully embracing mindfulness practices. Mindfulness has gained widespread popularity as a powerful tool for well-being, with research finding that mindfulness practices can reduce anxiety and depression symptoms, lower stress levels, improve sleep, and improve quality of life. However, amidst its rise and the ever-growing content on the topic, there is an increasing number of misconceptions about the practice, and the core spirit of mindfulness often gets lost in the mix. 

When I invite clients to share their experiences and perceptions of mindfulness I often hear that individuals have tried mindfulness practices to some degree, but judge themselves as not being “good” at mindfulness because they were not able to completely turn off their thoughts. Many believe that they must forcefully silence their mind and have unwavering concentration in order to reap the benefits of mindfulness. When they find themselves struggling to concentrate, they feel as though mindfulness is inaccessible or simply not for them.   

It's easy to fall into the trap of believing that mindfulness is something you need to work hard at. Given its numerous benefits and its alleged status as a cure-all (more on this another time!), it must be something you have to work hard at to achieve, right? Isn’t the goal to feel calm and clear your mind? Yes and no. While it is true that mindfulness is not always easy or effortless in the sense that it does require diligence and at times, sitting with discomfort, I invite my clients to consider a different approach–one that sees mindfulness as a gentle path back to the present moment.

Rather than being a strenuous exercise in concentration, mindfulness is an invitation to rest into the present moment just as you are–with the mess of thoughts, the frustration, all of it. It's about letting go of the need to fix or change anything, even your breath, and simply allowing yourself to be with whatever is happening in the here and now. Instead of exerting effort to force yourself into a state of calm, it is an act of letting go of effort and resting into being with what arises whether it is pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral. This gentle approach to mindfulness can be incredibly liberating, offering a sense of spaciousness and ease. After some time, you may notice that your breath naturally becomes slower and deeper and that you may be able to access feelings of calm as a result. 

What if instead of wrestling our minds into submission, we take mindfulness as an invitation to lovingly embrace all that is here in us and around us? How might this shift in approach change our experience? 

In doing so, we might find that the challenge is not in trying to direct our attention a certain way, but in having the willingness to turn towards our inner experience, particularly when it is uncomfortable or difficult. This willingness is all we need to effectively practice mindfulness. The willingness to turn inward, to look deeply. The willingness to be with all that is.  

Mindfulness, as it was taught to me, goes a step further than traditional definitions of non-judgemental, present-moment awareness to frame mindfulness as an act of love, a return home, a way to find refuge in any moment. So often we find ourselves lost in the past or pulled into the future. Mindfulness practices offer a gentle and practical method for learning how to return home to our bodies and to the moment, the only place where life is truly available. What if the body was a place of refuge? How might we move through the world differently if we knew how to walk the gentle path back home to ourselves in any moment? All it takes is the willingness to be there, the willingness to embrace whatever arises. This is an act of love. 

By letting go of the need for effort and striving, we can discover the profound simplicity and the radical love of mindfulness practice. If you're curious about how mindfulness can support your well-being or would like guidance on incorporating it into your life, you can schedule a free consultation here to learn more.