The Dual Process Model of Grief

Alex Mammadyarov, LMHC

Pop Psychology tends to focus on messages like “feel like your feelings” and in cases of emotional avoidance, this can be important to hear, although just the tip of the iceberg. If you experience avoidance, there are probably many reasons it feels challenging or even unsafe to be with your emotions. There are situations, however, where avoidance is not only natural but actually helpful. Stay with me.

When an individual is experiencing severe depression, it’s likely that their low mood, sense of hopelessness, loss of interest, pleasure, and motivation are unabating. In most instances of grief, we move in and out of heavier and lighter moments, even if those lighter moments only come to us briefly at first. We experience sadness and anger and also glimpses of contentment, joy, or laughter. There are days we might struggle to re-engage with our daily routine and others where we welcome the “normalcy” of our social and work spheres amid so much personal and existential upheaval. 

For a long time, research on grief theory was thought to have many shortcomings, particularly around the manner in which individuals process bereavement. In 1999, Dr. Margaret Stroebe and Dr. Henk Schut provided an answer in the form of the Dual Processing Model. 

https://griefcompass.com/dualprocess

Stroebe and Schut identified life with grief as consisting of two types of stressors: loss-oriented and restoration-oriented. Loss-oriented stressors include grief work, intrusion of grief, relinquishing-continuing-relocating bonds/ties, and denial/avoidance of restoration changes. Restoration-oriented stressors include attending to life changes, doing new things, distraction from grief, denial/avoidance of grief, and new roles/identities/relationships. They found that people regulate by oscillating between the two stressors, sometimes avoiding their grief and sometimes confronting their grief. Stroebe and Schut also noted that their model proposes people experience a “dosage” of grief in order to effectively integrate it into their lives. 

The idea of avoiding your grief may seem like an appealing permission slip and although this choice is always available to you, it is one that only provides a short-term bandaid. The idea here is not to do so completely and not to merely cover up the immediate pain but to adapt to your new reality by taking time to process your grief and taking time away from it to engage in activities of daily living. 

You might notice that you experience an “intrusion of grief” or a grief wave triggered by a death anniversary and need to take space to feel into this, while at other times, you are more focused on what you have going on in your day-to-day life (work, relationships, hobbies, trips, etc.). You may also find yourself, at times, yearning a little extra for your person and trying to understand the nature of your relationship with them now that they are no longer physically here. This is also a great facet of grief work to bring into the therapy space. In my practice, I have recommended various narrative writing and ritual practices for further exploration. At other times, you may feel greater peace about the continuing bond or feel less attuned to questions regarding how to maintain the connection with them. 

So, yes, feel your feelings. Just remember to come up for air.

References:
Stroebe M, Schut H. (1999). The dual process model of coping with bereavement: Rationale and description. Death Studies 23(3), 197-224. doi: 10.1080/074811899201046.