An Invitation for Your Shadow Sides

Rachel Chada, MHC

I was recently gifted a “therapy blanket” for my office, covered in (probably AI-generated) positive affirmations:  

“I am strong! I am enough!” 

“I love my worthy feelings.” 

“I deserve to set boundaries and to do not ever be ashamed(?)” At this point, I’m feeling pretty confident that my job is safe from AI.

While it was an incredibly sweet, well-intentioned gift, it gave me a good giggle to think about what most people think a therapist’s job is—regurgitating the affirmations that typically accompany images of unlikely animal friends on a waiting room poster.

Sure, I encourage my clients to speak to themselves with kindness and empathy, but sometimes, it’s difficult to access this positivity when you have parts of yourself that you feel ashamed of or don’t understand.

The therapeutic school of thought, Internal Family Systems (IFS), encourages us to consider ourselves a system of parts. There are the parts of ourselves that we’re okay presenting to the outside world—they deem themselves acceptable or take on a managerial role to keep our other parts in check. Then, there are the parts that live in the shadows, which we have difficulty acknowledging.

From my perspective, a big part of the therapeutic work is to create a therapeutic relationship that feels safe enough to invite your shadow sides out. We can never understand and accept the parts that aren’t welcome. This would never happen if the expectation were to only stay in the light, to only look at the parts of yourself that you love.

A more accurate blanket would say things like: 

“Stay with that fear—what is it telling you?”

“Let’s hear what that anger has to say.”

“It sounds like you’re not feeling strong or worthy right now. Tell me more about that.”

More accurate, but probably not good for sales. If you’re interested in stepping out of the light and getting in touch with your shadow sides, I’d love to work with you! 

Rachel Chada, MHC-LP is a psychotherapist for individuals and couples who integrates Internal Family Systems therapy into her work. Reach out here to book your free, 15-minute consultation.