Taking Up Space in Therapy
Adrian Acevedo, MHC
Whether you are new to the experience of therapy (or just new to your therapist), it can be difficult to know how to fill the session. For some, the act of taking up space can feel like a source of pressure and discomfort. You may experience…
Difficulty with silence (perhaps every silence feels like an “awkward silence” or something that needs to be fixed)
Pressure to perform, to “do therapy right”
Overwhelm about having space for your own thoughts and feelings (especially if you are used to holding space for others, and this has become your comfort zone)
Uncertainty about what is “important” to focus on, a need for each session to feel “productive” in a particular way
If any of the above feel resonant for you, I encourage you to reflect on your experience of being in therapy or being in relationship with your therapist. Many a wise person has said some version of “wherever you go, there you are.” Where are there parallels to other relationship dynamics in your life, or other patterns of behavior? Notice where people pleasing, perfectionism, codependency, and insecurity might be showing up and creating pressure. If you feel comfortable, name these with your therapist and allow them to hold space for your feelings of vulnerability and discomfort.
Remember—the space is left to you for a reason.
In my work as a therapist, I often have clients tell me they don’t understand why I don’t fill every silence, direct the session in a certain way, or set priorities for them. Some of this comes down to personal style—but please know that if your therapist shares this approach, it is probably intentional. I have seen firsthand how impactful a relational and person-centered approach can be for clients. I see myself as a partner rather than an authority figure in the therapeutic relationship, and it’s a privilege to support my clients in taking the lead in their inner work. In encouraging clients to take up space, I believe that there are more opportunities for…
Experiencing increased empowerment, agency, and self-trust
Strengthening of the therapeutic relationship, learning to “just be” in the space
Gaining comfort in discomfort (awkward is survivable!)
Presence, in the moment/here-and-now processing
Attuning to your capacity and your needs week-to-week, trusting your therapist to meet you where you are rather than imposing an agenda
The agenda-free approach can be challenging but so rewarding. Building comfort and closeness in your relationship with your therapist can make this dynamic more comfortable over time. If you feel safe in the relationship, try to trust that wherever you begin is okay (all roads lead to Rome!), and your therapist will be looking for opportunities to help you find direction, gain insight, and deepen connection.