The Anger that Masks Anxiety
When we are triggered by an object, person or situation. We feel a loss of control. A stress signal is sent to our brain and our defense mechanism, also known as fight or flight mode, is activated. Anxiety is often experienced as worry, fear, and unease towards an anticipated threat that has not yet happened. Anxiety responses include avoiding triggers, withdrawing and escaping. With that said, anxiety can be healthy. It can act as an internal alarm system and help us stay alert and be vigilant with risks, build conscientiousness, and motivate us to problem solve. Anger is often experienced as antagonism and aggression towards an existing/past threat that has already happened. It is confrontational and often an instantaneous response. Likewise, anger can be healthy, it can empower us to assert our needs and boundaries, energize positive changes, and defend/block more uncomfortable emotions (such as anxiety) and deeper emotional pain.
We may also experience irritability which is often described as a less intense kind of anger. People who struggle with high levels of chronic and long standing anxiety often experience irritability. This could be due to the build up of physiological and psychological pressures of constant nonstop rumination and/or poor sleep. Anxiety may also trigger and/or reinforce feelings of shame which could then lead to irritability and anger. When we feel anxious, we may feel weak, inadequate and helpless. We may engage in self-shaming which adds on another layer of emotional pain and increases irritability with oneself. Over time the internal tension builds, leading to an outward release though in a hostile and aggressive manner.
When anxiety is experienced concurrent with a history of trauma and abuse, an exaggerated form of self defense may develop that may manifest as persistent anger management issues. These people may assume the role of a perpetrator of pain when actually they are battling their unresolved and suppressed victimhood roles. They are often in a state of intense heightened hypervigilance, hyperarousal and paranoia, and constantly perceive themselves to be in real danger. They have learned to create an armor around themselves that may look like self-protective pessimism or cynicism that may have once served a helpful purpose though may no longer be aligned with their present intentions and values. The misalignment can reinforce the cycle of anxiety and anger.
Dr. Leon Seltzer, PhD, who wrote an article on “Why Anger Is Nothing More Than Repressed Anxiety,” describes anger as “anxiety with a chemical kick” / “turbocharged anxiety” that compels us to take action and to restore control, even if it is an illusion of regaining control of the circumstance. Emotions, such as anger, may feel more tolerable, comfortable, and even ego-boosting; free-floating anxiety transforms into righteous and justified indignation and maybe even a sense of moral superiority. Anger is also often associated with feeling wronged by others, feeling targeted, and/or dealt an unfair and/or unjust card. I have often observed that the anxiety underlying this kind of anger can be closely tied with a deep fear of rejection, abandonment, alone and unloved which can feel overbearingly vulnerable. We may then become more aggressive in voicing and reaching for our primal need and longing for attachment and social acceptance.
Cultural, genetic, familial, environmental, and socialization factors can also come into play in how we experience anxiety versus anger and how we develop a genuine and healthy relationship with these different emotions. How can we take a pause, imagine ourselves being a fly on the wall as we evaluate our own sequence of emotions and moves we make? How can we be curious with our emotional, mental and body processes without judgment?