Signs: The Special Messaging within Spiritual Grieving

 Alex Mammadyarov, MHC

I am at the cemetery on a brilliantly sunny spring day. It has been a long time since I last visited and on the drive over, I had quietly observed that I was not entirely sure what I would feel. I sit in momentary reflection as I read the headstone that shows their names and dates of life. Then, I lie on the cool green grass, attempting to inch my way just a little nearer to them and close my eyes. The feeling of a warm embrace wraps around me and though surprised by the intensity of this sensation, I welcome it. Sometime later, when my eyes open to the clear sky above, two birds fly past and I know. It’s them.

After loss, many people experience the phenomenon of signs from loved ones who have moved on from this life. You can think of signs as a wave hello from the other side, a message often most simply stating “I’m here with you”. It is difficult to capture with written or spoken words the feeling of clarity that washes over us when we receive that communication. It just is. Perhaps if prone to over-intellectualizing we can second-guess but ultimately, when we know, we know.

In some instances, our people channel signs through objects, symbols, media, or elements of the natural world that are significant to the relationship. For instance, I once thought of my mother as I was getting into the car, and when the radio turned on, one of her favorite songs was playing. In other instances, signs come through seemingly less significant objects but at the exact moment, we are thinking of them. Many people share the phenomenon of thinking about their person and then noticing the lights flickering. In the story above, I had never associated birds with my parents but knew in my bones, all the same, that they were greeting me in this way. 

There are many emotions that come up around receiving or even thinking about the concept of signs. Some people ask for signs (“If you’re here, please show me”) and others do not, instead welcoming them if and when they come through. When we want that communication or hear others’ sign stories but don’t receive our own, we can feel frustration and disappointment, loneliness, or skepticism about our own spiritual beliefs. These feelings are entirely valid and can be worked with in many ways, including spiritually-oriented therapy, journaling, or letter-writing to the person you are grieving. 

When we do receive signs, we may feel great comfort. Although these moments don’t compensate for their physical absence or make the loss “okay” in any way, shape, or form, they can bring on a renewed sense of connection. When those lights flicker or the birds fly overhead, we are instantaneously soothed because we recognize that our people are even infinitesimally closer than we believed them to be. However, signs are not always warm and fuzzy. It can feel intense and even re-open some of the grief we keep zipped up when we are out in the world during our daily lives. Similar to attending a medium reading, signs offer a brief moment of greeting and of course, another goodbye. Out loud or in writing, it can be helpful to take some space to process. 

Laura Lynne Jackson, author of The Light Between Us: Stories from Heaven, Lessons for the Living, sums it up best: “Grief brings us great pain, but the Other Side teaches us that this pain is not about the absence of love—it's about the continuation of that love. The brilliant cords of love that connect us to someone in this life endure into the afterlife.”