Understanding Love Addiction
Rachel Damin, MHC
Love is a core human need. As innately social creatures, humans require connection and closeness in order to meet our social needs of love, companionship, and belonging. For some individuals, however, the desire for romantic love takes priority over most other areas of life and leads to what is called “love addiction”.
Love Addiction is a pattern of behavior that consists of “maladaptive, pervasive, and excessive interest towards one or more romantic partners resulting in a lack of control, the renouncement of other interests and behavior, and other negative consequences”. Love addiction is associated with increase in reckless behavior and negative outcomes in multiple areas of life such as work, school, interpersonal relationships, and hobbies.
Typically, individuals who struggle with love addiction have unrealistic expectations of love and romance and experience an intense “rush” of euphoria at the start of a new relationship. Once the excitement of a new relationship has faded, it can be difficult for love addicts to maintain their interest in a long-term partner. As a way to recreate that initial, intense feeling of falling in love with a new partner, love addicts frequently engage in serial dating or “relationship hopping” – jumping from one relationship to the next – in an effort to find a new partner that they believe will be able to meet their high and unrealistic expectations. Because of this tendency, love addicts often seek out new relationships with partners who are not compatible or are unable to meet their needs.
Oftentimes, those who experience love addiction struggle with loneliness and find it uncomfortable or emotionally difficult to spend time alone. For a love addict, being single can cause them to feel incomplete, despondent and feel as though their life lacks purpose. When in a relationship, a love addict may feel overly dependent on their partner and go to extreme lengths to maintain the relationship. This may look like giving up important beliefs, views, relationships, or hobbies in order to please a partner or participating in activities that do not align with their own interests or values.
If you are struggling with love addiction, the following resources may help you to develop healthier behaviors and attitudes so that you can form healthier, more loving connections with others:
In healing from love addiction, individual psychotherapy may be helpful to identify and explore patterns, behaviors, and attitudes in love. Additionally, spending time alone outside of therapy may be helpful to prioritize self-care. Love addicts often struggle with codependent traits and often neglect their own needs, thoughts, and feelings in order to prioritize the needs, feelings, and thoughts of others. Investing in your own hobbies and goals will allow you be more aware of your own needs, tendencies and patterns. Lastly, it can be helpful in healing from love addiction to connect with others who share your struggles – participating in 12-step meetings, support groups, or discussing your challenges with friends can help you feel less alone, receive emotional support, and learn about ways that other love addicts have overcome this challenge.