How conflict in relationships can serve as an open door to better communication
Colleen Richards, Advanced Clinical Fellow
As a therapist, I enjoy exploring with clients that there are many ways to build new responses in the face of conflict. Sometimes we may feel that there is no way to connect with a friend, partner, or family member. Conflict arises in relationships and can lead to a heated argument or a failure to communicate.
As the holidays get closer and the business of work and organizing arises, it can be a heavy time for many people. I think it can be helpful to look at our different attachment styles in the face of conflict. Perhaps by understanding our own attachment styles, we can build stronger communication styles with the people in our lives. What does it look like to build stronger secure attachment styles to people in our lives all while having compassion for our own unique styles of attachment that we have learned? It can be helpful to recognize how our learned attachment styles have served us a purpose. I notice how Intercultural and intersectionality differences may have an impact on exploring different ways of connecting. We may experience very different worlds so attachment history is important to explore when finding ways to connect with one another.
One question to explore is:
What is my unique attachment style and also how safe did I feel in my community growing up?
What emotional experience is underlying my fears and attachment styles that perpetuate the disconnection?
I notice that when conflict arises in relationships, often an underlying attachment need is not being met, and conflict arises in hopes to connect.
My hope is that by helping clients make sense of emotions and exploring them together, more helpful ways of connecting can be explored with people in their lives. I think a lot of healing on a collective level can come through finding positive ways to express our vulnerabilities with one another. In this way, we can find more secure ways of connecting with each other.