Is it Relationship OCD or Normal Relationship Doubts?

Kathryn Lee, MHC

We all have experienced some form of doubt in our relationship. In fact, it is normal to have some doubt or uncertainty at a certain point about the relationship and/or person you are with. However, if you are consumed with doubts about your relationship that it causes intense anxiety and distress it might be a sign of relationship OCD. 

What is relationship OCD? Relationship OCD is a lesser-known subtype of OCD. Like OCD, relationship OCD consists of obsessions (repetitive thoughts) and compulsions (repetitive behaviors.) Obsessive thinking can include constantly questioning one’s love and/or attraction for their partner or vice versa. “Do they truly love me?” “Am I truly in love?” Compulsions can include needing reassurance from their partner and asking them if they truly love you and/or mentally reviewing and checking to see if their partner is the right one for you. 

Here are some common signs in no particular order that you may have relationship OCD: 

  1. Dwelling on physical imperfections and/or aspects of your partner’s personality. “Are their teeth too big?” “Are they smart enough?” “Are they boring?”

  2. Constantly questioning whether you are in the “right” relationship with “the one”

  3. Trying to find answers online to see if you are truly in love or how to know whether you have found “the one”

  4. Needing reassurance from others that you have found “the one”

  5. Comparing your relationship to others or a previous relationship

  6. Constantly making attempts to figure out how in love with your partner you are 

  7. Self-sabotaging the relationship 

If you think you may have relationship OCD, don’t fret, there is hope! You can have a healthy and thriving relationship. Here are some coping techniques. 

  1. Remind yourself that your thoughts are simply just that. They are valid and real but they are not true 

  2. Talk back to your thoughts. Your thoughts do not have to control you. Talk back! 

  3. Identify Triggers. When we are able to acknowledge a trigger we can better prevent and/or manage spirals 

  4. Mindfulness. Relationship OCD can prevent us from being present. Engaging in mindful activities can help redirect our attention to the present moment. 

  5. Work with a mental health professional. There are treatment options for those struggling with OCD including exposure and response prevention therapy.

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