Tips & Reminders for Social Anxiety

Birch Cooper, MHC

For those with social anxiety shelter-in-place has offered a break from persistent fears of being watched and judged by others. Over the last few months the majority of us have reduced our interactions with the outside world creating an additional sense of isolation. Aside from those familiar faces we have quarantined with the more exotic interactions with others we did not already know may have been at the grocery store or with a delivery person. Due to the nature of their work front line workers and those who experience social anxiety when attending school or work virtually may not have received a break entirely, but generally social interactions have been greatly reduced. Even now as restaurants and select businesses have started opening up people are sticking with long standing friendships or family as they begin to socialize. Acknowledging that it may be weeks or months before they start interacting with strangers a few clients have expressed concern about the return of their social anxiety. 

Anticipatory anxiety or fear about an event or situation in the future is common for individuals with a number of anxiety conditions. After all it makes sense that if something causes you fear the idea of doing it or coming into contact with it in the future would be triggering. When it comes to post shelter-in-place concerns about social anxiety there are those who have been isolated, feel out of practice and fear returning to work for even brief social interactions with co-workers. While others point out that there are new aspects to social interactions such as keeping a socially appropriate distance, the potential to become ill and mask etiquette.

If you are starting to feel restless about your social anxiety returning you are not alone. There are approximately 23 million people in the US who meet the criteria for social anxiety disorder. Beyond that there are countless others who experience symptoms or feel uncomfortable during social interactions. In light of New York beginning to open up and to honor those who feel anxious socially I put together a few helpful tips and reminders.

Breathing exercises work. Taking deep breaths and breathing exercises are our first line of defense when it comes to anxiety. Often dismissed or forgotten in the moment, breathing exercises reduce the body’s stress response. Practicing an exercise prior to joining a conversation or reminding oneself to take deep breaths during the chat can significantly reduce the level of anxiety you experience. I typically recommend clients download a breathing exercise GIF onto their phone for easy access. These are readily available on Google or by clicking here and can be helpful in a number of anxiety inducing situations. 

Your anxiety isn’t as detectable as you might imagine. A rapid heart beat, the tightness of muscle tension and racing thoughts is a great deal to contend with. This elevated internal response is so intense it can feel as though what you are experiencing is obvious to those around you. In these moments it is beneficial to remind oneself that our body’s response to social anxiety is internal and less visible to people interacting with us than one might expect. 

People rarely judge others for being nervous in social situations. Depending on the severity of your anxiety, shaky hands or a tremble in one’s voice might cause your social anxiety to feel additionally obvious to those around you. Although these too often go unnoticed it can be useful in these situations to remember that the majority of people have experienced anxiety at a point in their lives and it is unlikely that they will form a negative impression of you for it. 

Focus on what others are saying. During conversation those who struggle with social anxiety can be distracted by their negative thoughts or fears about what the other person is thinking about them. Instead, truly listen to what is being said and do your best to remain authentic, engaged  and attentive. Focusing on what others contribute to the conversation will also help you stay in the moment instead of worrying about what you’re going to say next or giving yourself a difficult time for an awkward moment that has already passed.

Friends and acquaintances who accept you are ideal. Nothing compares to the unconditional acceptance of a true friend. Although that would be a great deal to expect from a stranger,  acquaintance or co-worker there are people in this world who are kinder and more accepting than others. Seeking out and surrounding yourself with those you are able to be your authentic self with will not only provide support it will also allow you to feel additionally comfortable in your own skin.

When it is time to seek the help of a professional? Each of us can tolerate anxiety to different degrees. However, if you are worrying so much that it is interfering with your work, relationships or another important aspect of your life it is likely time to speak with a professional. Similarly, if your fear, worry or anxiety is so difficult to control that it causes you distress or your use of substances or anxiety medications significantly increases talking to a professional can help.

Since shelter-in-place and social distancing has given people a break from their social anxiety it is understandable that the reopening of businesses and workplaces is signaling that their discomfort and worry might return. Although I wanted to put together a few tips and reminders for those anticipating the return of their social anxiety it is important to remember that it may be awhile before they are necessary. Anticipatory anxiety is not unusual for those who struggle with social anxiety. Practicing breathing exercises, progressive muscle relaxation, guided imagery, or meditation can all help one cope when worried about future events. It is also important not to give yourself a hard time for worrying in advance, instead talk to yourself as you would a friend be kind, compassionate and offer support rather than judgement.