Love-Day Blues

Camille Lester, MHC

This blog is especially for the folks who find themselves single, un-partnered, partnered but feeling disconnected, recently grieving the loss of connection, a loved one, a pet, a something. I think we all can connect to aspects of feeling a little “blue” as love cascades and seeps into every crevice of our day this week!

One of my favorite songs by Summer Sons and Zaya Bittersweet, has a lyric that goes “...when life gives you lemons, you brew lemon tea.” Above and beyond the cliche of looking on the bright side, how do you engage with taking a feeling, circumstance, relationship, grief, and brew something...edible? The intentional brewing of feelings similar to  a chemex on an early saturday morning… the beans.. The grinder... the pour; all physically demonstrating how malleable and interchangeable our environments really are! 

Are you feeling a little blue? Are you intentionally not scrolling on Instagram because the highlight reels of those around you are unsettling? Are you sitting at home feeling upset about the flakiness of those around you? Are you and your partner chronically missing each other in communication? Are you going down the comparison hole of looking and measuring your life/love to those around you? Let’s channel those real and malleable emotions and brew something that is the perfect steaming cup of tea to ease the love-day blues.

1. Write it out 

Put your phone down. Power down IG, Snapchat, and Facebook. Many times in life, especially with emotions we begin to fall into the pattern of internalizing and sitting on emotions. Theres plenty of reasons why this may be the case; perhaps to appease others, to keep up with the cultural norms of our families, to remain safe. However, there’s true magic in moving beyond the urge to internalize/ruminate and get the feelings out of you by way of externalizing, speaking, writing. 

It's okay to feel sad. 

It's okay to feel shame about being sad. 

It’s okay to even feel guilt about the shame you have when you think about being sad. 

It's ok. 

The key is to get it outside of your body. Write your feelings down. Talk through your feelings with your therapist. Start therapy. Talk to your pet.  Free up the weight internalized emotions at times can cause. 

Internalized emotions can manifest through somatic symptoms such as: stomach aches, chronic migraines, inability to sleep, nerve sensitivity, and unexplained body tension and aches.

As I have talked about in previous blogs; the body keeps the ultimate score. It sounds funny at first, but really listen to your body. It is communicating with you, attempting to keep you safe, and trying to assist you in every way possible. 

2. Begin making meaning:

Reflect on how the process of externalizing was. Take inventory of how you are feeling and what the process was like to write out your feelings, emotions, and desires. 

Try to stay away from the masks we wear: “I’m angry” “I’m frustrated” “I'm pissed off” “I’m sad” primary emotions and try to begin connecting/digging a little deeper and naming what's bubbling under the surface of those emotions, commonly known as secondary emotions. These emotions can be:  guilt., shame, regret, vulnerability, confusion, jealousy, hopelessness, optimism, etc. 

Secondary emotions are a launch pad to begin truly connecting with what's going on for you underneath/above and beyond the “masks” we may wear. 

3. Care for yourself:

In the age of #selfcare it’s glamours to think about what it truly means to care for ourselves. It doesn't have to be a $100 dollar facial on v-day, a $60 mani-pedi, or a $80 massage in a salt cave with dim lighting and sauna. It could be just listening to your body, tapping into the secondary emotions of what's underneath the surface, and intuitively figuring out what you need in a certain moment. Nurturing and caring for ourselves can be glamorous but it can also be mundane, routine, messy, complicated...real. 

Wishing you the best on this love-day weekend and I am hoping that these tips can help you brew up the perfect cup of tea to quench, heal, nurture any love-day blues you may be feeling. 

With light,

C