Lydia Bell, MHC

When I work with parents, sometimes we discover that there are underlying feelings of loneliness in the parenting experience. Too often it can feel like everyone else has it figured out and you’re the only one struggling with a particular issue, whether it is newborn sleep or a moody teenager. You might look at your life post-parenthood and wonder: Who am I now? Who do I feel connected to? What do I even like doing now? Here are some concrete ways you can address feelings of loneliness in parenthood:

Find your people.
This can take a while! You might join a parent group only to discover that the experience makes you feel more alone–you feel judged for your parenting choices or the vibe just isn’t for you. Keep looking. Strike up conversations with other parents at the playground or the coffee shop and notice if there is a sense of alignment. Finding just one fellow parent who “gets it,” who might share common struggles, and can be real about it(!) is a huge first step towards feeling less alone. 

Take risks.
Take the risk to be more vulnerable. Maybe you tend to stay pretty surface-level when you talk about kid stuff. What if you were a little more real about your challenges? When we share our struggles, those around us are often more open, too. This can lead to a deeper feeling of connectedness and being seen.

Take a break from your parent self.
Parenthood is all consuming! Consider finding a space in your life where other parts of your identity can be front and center. This could look like re-engaging with an activity or friends from pre-parenthood or it might look like following a new interest. Sometimes this is about substitutions–if you find yourself reading yet another parenting book, consider swapping it out for a novel or something else that is just for you. 

Acknowledge your feelings.
If you take just one thing from this, I hope it’s that any and all feelings that are coming up for you around parenting are valid. Complicated and negative feelings about parenthood aren’t often talked about, but it doesn’t mean they don’t exist! Therapy, journaling, and editing your social media feeds to include more nuanced perspectives on parenting are all great ways to help acknowledge and normalize what you’re going through.