Advanced Clinical Fellow Joyce Quitasol

Caregiving is a multi-faceted journey that demands more than just physical care; it requires emotional endurance that is often underestimated. “Caregiving is a marathon, not a sprint,” according to Dr. Barry J. Jacobs, a clinical psychologist specializing in family caregiving. “It involves a wide range of emotions, from love and compassion to anger and frustration.”

What’s more, not all of those feelings are easily apparent. The hidden emotional hardships of caring for an aging or ill family member can manifest in multiple ways, challenging caregivers to find balance when things feel chaotic.

Caregiver Burnout
Caregiving is often a long-term challenge and can have an emotional impact that builds over time. Caregivers frequently experience constant worry associated with juggling medical appointments, family schedules, financial strain, and daily tasks. This creates chronic stress that is often left unchecked and internalized. The fear of not providing adequate care or making the wrong decisions can amplify their anxiety and lead to burnout or depression.

Loss of Identity
Caregiver expert for AARP, Amy Goyer, suggests that those who acknowledge their role as caregivers are more likely to get the support, services, and resources that they need. This allows them to plan better for change in their lives. By embracing this shift, such caregivers give themselves space to grieve the loss of their pre-caregiver identity as they adapt to a new one. In doing so, they open themselves up to finding support to ease stress and nurture their mental health.

Accepting Painful Emotions
Whether managing the challenges of an aging parent as a single child or facing the unfairness of a loved one’s illness, caregiving can feel like a burden. Placing blame on others or spiraling into a need to make sense of things becomes emotionally draining. Instead, it’s important for caregivers to focus on the things that are within their control, thereby choosing how to react to situations.

Self-Care Becomes a Necessity
There are never enough hours in a day for busy caregivers. Full-time caregivers often run themselves down with little time to recharge. The weight of responsibility can feel heavy, and it may seem unfathomable to share the load with someone else and consequently find time to take a nap, see a friend, or have a meal sitting down instead of on the go. Allowing time to regain one’s energy can help caregivers to clear their heads, feel more present, and be better providers for their loved ones.

The Importance of Emotional Support
Acknowledging and addressing the emotional hardships of caregiving is critical. In addition to maintaining one’s physical health, it’s helpful for caregivers to carve out time to nurture their social connections and find their community. Whether through individual therapy, communication with family or friends, or connecting to support groups, talking about one’s experience can feel cathartic. Finding a safe space to share one’s feelings can provide support and solace while helping caregivers realize that they are not alone in their journey.

Combating Guilt With Self-Compassion

One of the most common emotional challenges caregivers face is guilt. This sometimes stems from a feeling of inadequacy in meeting the needs of their loved ones — all of which can lead to self-blame. In these moments it is important for caregivers to ask for help, reinvest time into relationships and hobbies, and celebrate small victories as reminders of the positive impact of caring for a loved one.

Society often overlooks the emotional hardships of caregiving, focusing instead on the selfless aspect of the role. This misconception can lead to feelings of isolation and invalidate the struggles that caregivers face. Having open conversations about the complex, emotional challenges of caregiving help build resiliency and connection to support one’s well-being throughout the caregiving journey.

Support groups and resources
Spousal caregivers
Military caregivers
Caregivers of Narcissistic Family Members
LGBTQ Caregiver Center
Working Daughter supports community