Advanced Clinical Fellow Joyce Quitasol

The pain of leaving your homeland and culture. The challenges of adapting to the language and customs of a new country. The efforts to create a new life and plant fresh roots for a better future.

The struggles of immigrants are well-known. But what’s often less talked about are the experiences of the children of immigrants.

The Struggle Is Real

Second-generation immigrants endure different types of struggles as they navigate two sets of cultural values. They frequently have trouble establishing a strong sense of identity due to several factors.

Intergenerational cultural dissonance. Parents who abide by traditional values may clash with children who integrate dominant Western values. As a result, these kids often feel unseen or unaccepted as they carry silent guilt. In turn, this makes it difficult to find their voice or a secure sense of self.

Transgenerational trauma. The effects of immigrant experiences — such as assimilation, forced migration, and systemic racism — create anxiety, emotional distress, anger, and maladaptive coping strategies that get passed down to children and grandchildren. Layered upon current systems of oppression, the repeated exposure to racial microaggression, cultural bias, and targeted violence can result in complex PTSD where individuals struggle to find safety within their identity.

Lack of a sense of belonging. Second-generation immigrants experience feelings of being “othered” as they skirt two different cultures and find that they do not fit within the norms of either. Additionally, second-generation identity is fluid, fluctuating between traditions of the familial homeland and Eurocentric/Western culture. This lack of inner cohesion can lead to feelings of guilt, self-doubt, and depression, all of which can be difficult for them to verbalize.

Cultural expectations. Those whose families come from collectivist cultures may feel pressure to lead a linear life path — an example of which may entail a financially successful career, a cis-gendered marriage, and producing children by a certain age. Within immigrant families, one’s sense of worth and self-esteem becomes tied to the needs and values of one’s parents, creating challenging levels of codependency and parentification that an individual may carry into other relationships.

Finding One’s True Self

Though the challenges of discovering one’s true self can be significant for second-generation immigrants, there are effective steps that you can take toward finding fulfillment as you build your identity.

Recognize that you’re healing from intergenerational trauma. By acknowledging the effects of intergenerational trauma, and then sharing your experiences with a trauma-informed therapist, you can gain a better start toward rebuilding your life and breaking the generational cycle.

Celebrate the intersectionality of your identity. Choose a multicultural community where you can find support. Consider becoming an active part of that community so that you can embrace a blend of traditions and values that resonate with you and bring you happiness.

Honor the dreams and grieve the loss. It’s common to reach for goals to please family members and others in your community in an effort to fit in and gain acceptance from them. But such pursuits may not resonate with your true self. What’s more, that search can have a strong influence on your sense of self well into adulthood— even though it fails to serve you well.

Letting go of such unfulfilling hopes can feel painful at first, but it’s important to connect with your authentic self to break the even more painful and traumatizing pattern of trying to be someone you are not for the sake of others.

Reconciling family loyalty with personal pain is not an easy journey, so it’s important to process complex emotions — with a therapist or in a journal or other means — as you work toward finding kindness and acceptance for yourself.