Advanced Clinical Fellow Joyce Quitasol

There comes a point in life when many of us forget how to play. 

As we ride through the stages of adulthood, we manage the cascade of responsibilities associated with being life partners, workers, and parents, etc. Suddenly leisure time feels like a luxury. It’s a lot of work, so much so that life feels like…work.

What’s more, life-as-work comes with a host of symptoms that can seem confusing when we believe we are following the recipe for a “successful life”: stress, anxiety, depression, and overall guilt for struggling instead of appreciating.

The reality is that the hustle of NYC living often demands an exhaustive to-do list. Days fill with tasks that “should “be done, leaving us with little energy to engage in an activity simply for the fun of it. Consequently, we often perceive play as an activity for children, synonymous with carefree moments and exploration.

However, the significance of play extends far beyond the realms of childhood. Embracing play in adulthood is an essential component for creative stimulation, relational connection, mental flexibility, stress reduction, and overall well-being.

In general, being in a play state can be thought of as being engaged in an intrinsically motivated activity for the sheer joy of it. There are many different types of play, and more important than the activity is the attitude with which we engage in it — one of fun.

Returning to a play state as an adult is a unique journey that takes only a little self-awareness and openness. Even if it’s been years since you were in a play state, there are ways to get back to that joy.

Embrace a Playful Spirit
As an adult, playfulness may not come as naturally as it did when you were a child. There is an expectation for you to be serious or professional, creating barriers to being playful. This can lead to fears of embarrassment or rejection.

However, according to neuroscientist Jaak Panksepp, play is one of the seven primal emotions that is hardwired into human biology. The play circuits in your brain provide you with an instinct to…well…play. By leaning into a curious and open attitude, you can allow yourself to find humor in situations, let go of perfection, and reclaim your inner child. That is, a playful mindset can transform mundane activities into enjoyable experiences.

Create Opportunities to Play
Play serves as a conduit for social interaction, fostering connection and intimacy with others. Prioritizing laughter and regular playtime with your loved ones strengthens meaningful relationships. It could be as simple as pausing the routine of caregiving to goof off with your children or spontaneously playing with your pet.

Whatever your play personality, intentionally setting aside time to host a game night with friends, immerse yourself in your favorite hobby, or spend non-work time with colleagues helps create more opportunities to find joy in your day-to-day.

Let Go of Expectations
The beauty of play is that it has no purpose, no aim. This can be a refreshing change from the pursuit of adulting objectives. Whether it be striving toward fitness goals or sharing activities on social media for the likes, holding tightly to expectations can make activities feel like a chore. 

Instead, give yourself permission to move with joyful abandon. Replace your workout with a bike ride through the city, or toss a frisbee with a friend. Take a break from Google Maps and Eater to wander NYC with no destination or plan. Allow yourself a moment to let go of certainty to create space for unexpected discoveries.

Discover the Power of Laughter
Research shows that there are extensive health benefits to incorporating humor and laughter into everyday life. Laughter reduces stress hormones like cortisol and epinephrine (adrenaline) while increasing health-enhancing endorphins.

Humor can also shift perspective, distracting you from negative emotions like anger, stress, and guilt. This further creates psychological distance when these feelings are overwhelming.

Additionally, laughter can relax and revitalize, increasing energy levels and the ability to focus more easily. When you are genuinely laughing, notice how difficult it is to feel angry or distressed. Notice if you let go of any suppressed emotions. Next time you find humor in unexpected mishaps or crack up with your friends, kids, or pets, see what comes up for you.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing,” — George Bernard Shaw