Advanced Clinical Fellow Kat Williams

The holiday season, with its abundance of festivities and togetherness, can stand in stark contrast to the emptiness within when a loved one's seat remains vacant at the table. Regardless of the time that has passed, it is perfectly healthy to feel a lack of excitement during the holidays. The weeks leading up to this festive period may prove particularly challenging. The first step in managing grief is acknowledging that the emotional waves may intensify around this time of year.

While there are no rigid rules for navigating holiday grief, I hope to share some strategies that may offer support acknowledging that everyone grieves in their own ways.

Amidst the holiday cheer, there are many quiet moments that allow the raw power of loss to surface. Loss permeates every aspect of our being, and coping mechanisms that may have provided solace at different stages of the grief journey may no longer offer the same comfort. As grief evolves over time, accepting that your coping strategies may need to adapt during the holidays can be fundamental.

Listen to your body.

The mind-body connection is a powerful force, and our bodies profoundly bear the weight of our experiences. Grief often manifests physically as well as emotionally, manifesting in the body as chronic inflammation, digestive issues, headaches, and bodily tension. When grieving, it is crucial to tune into your body's needs and honor them. This could involve prioritizing extra rest during the week leading up to the holidays. Indulge in an acupuncture session or a restorative yin-enhancing breathwork session. For in-person sessions, I recommend going to WTHN in the city for acupuncture; or consider the bodywise app by Claudia Germuga. 

Explore a calming space.

Changing your environment, whether by venturing into nature or trying a new yoga studio, can help revitalize your spirit. Immersing ourselves in nature is a potent antidote to stress on the body. Spending time outdoors can lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels, reduce nervous system arousal, and enhance immune system function, thus supporting a grief-stricken body.

Engage in grief healing rituals.

Music can serve as a powerful grief ritual. Listening to music provides a safe space to experience the emotions of loss. Songs have a distinct beginning, middle, and end, offering a natural, contained structure for navigating our emotions. Sometimes, knowing that you have three minutes until the song ends can bring a sense of comfort. When we listen to music that resonates with us, it becomes difficult to distract ourselves from our feelings, facilitating the process of moving through this new wave of grief. If you feel up to it, I suggest selecting a song and allowing yourself to connect with the emotions that arise, fostering a sense of closeness to the person you have lost.

"There is a sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues. They are the messengers of overwhelming grief, of deep contrition, and of unspeakable love." -Washington Irving

Journaling your thoughts and feelings during moments of overwhelming grief is another form of self-care. Journaling offers a means for self-expression and exploration. It can be a cathartic experience, allowing you to delve into the emotions that grief brings to the surface. Whether it's sadness, loneliness, anger, jealousy, denial, heaviness, guilt, or a myriad of other feelings, giving these unexpected emotions that underlie your grief a name can empower you to speak your truth without judgment and process these complex emotions. If it feels right to you, consider writing to your loved one in your journal. While your relationship with your loved one may have evolved, the bond you share remains eternal.

Perhaps turning towards your spirituality and belief system can provide comfort as you navigate this challenging period. This may involve prayer, meditation, or seeking guidance from a spiritual leader.