Sienna Chu, MHC

There I was, walking along a wooded path that traces the edge of a small stream as the sunlight illuminated the vibrant green colors in the lush leaves, mosses, and ferns. The birds were singing songs overhead while the breeze danced off of my skin and through the trees. It was a perfect moment of sensory delight. And there I was, in the center of it, taking it all in… but I wasn’t really. 

Instead, I was lost in thought about the numerous unknowns that lay before me. I was with my questions and worries about the future so deeply that I lost contact with the present moment and my own sense of presence. I was completely unaware of how much I had been denying my body’s instincts. Until, I finally stopped walking and turned to listen to the rustling sounds I had been actively dismissing. 

And there they were-- a mama black bear and her cub not more than 15 feet from where I stood. 

In that moment, thoughts didn’t exist, and an inner knowing emerged. My body knew how to respond and get me to safety, away from a Mama protecting her cub. From afar (and behind a barrier), as I watched the Mama Bear mosey around for food, I was in awe of her large body and shiny black coat. As much as I was amazed by her large presence, I was perplexed by how easily I had first ignored it. What was I so concerned with that I literally walked right up to a Bear and her cub?

The future, that’s what.

This may be an extreme example, but a true one, and it demonstrates the importance of being able to practice dual awareness- the process of being able to pay attention to multiple experiences at one time. Can I be present to my current physical experience, while also being present to my thoughts about the future or past? Can I notice what is happening inside of myself, while also noticing what is happening in my environment? Can I pick up on my internal experience while also paying attention to another’s experience? Can I differentiate between my body’s experience of now, while also making space for sensations that come up when feeling triggered from past events?

Dual awareness is a skill that is often cultivated in trauma recovery to help reduce the intensity of flashbacks. By staying with your experience in the here and now, you can notice uncomfortable feelings arise from a flashback, but maintain a sense of safety in the present. This skill is also helpful for those who struggle with codependency, who have difficulty identifying their own feelings and needs in the presence of another. For example, you maybe have found yourself saying yes to doing something in the moment because you can sense it would matter to the person asking, but later regret it, only realizing once resentment has built. In the moment I first described, I was so consumed with worries about the future, I discredited signals I was receiving in my body that were designed to literally stop me in my tracks. It wasn’t until afterwards that I remembered hearing the rustling multiple times before I chose to give it notice. Not only was I unaware of the Bear and her cub, but I was also unaware of how I was responding in the moment.

The current state of the world and country, have affected us all in different ways depending on the color of our skin, socioeconomic status, age, and so much more.  One thing that has remained universal is the shared experience of prolonged uncertainty. It can be challenging to not be swallowed whole by questions about the future, or upsets from the past- the choices I did or didn’t make that have led me to where I currently am. We are all grappelling with uncertainty; whether we are aware of how we grapple with the uncertainty or not is another question. If we can become more present to how we are responding, we can become more choiceful with how we want to respond.

To build this dual-awareness, we have to start small. So I invite you to try this simple mindfulness exercise:

Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down where you feel safe enough to close your eyes. 

Begin by bringing your attention to sensations happening inside of your body. The goal here is to simply notice what is already happening, while letting go of the desire or impulse to to change or judge it. It may be helpful to start with a body scan, tracing your awareness from the bottoms of your feet, up through your legs, from the sacrum to each of the vertebrae along your spine, and from the rib cage up to the crown of your head. You might notice tingling, numbness, warmth, coolness, tension, pulsing-- whatever it is, try to simply observe without judging. 

Once you’ve relaxed into a connection with what’s happening internally, slowly integrate sensations happening outside of your body and in your environment. The key is to move slowly and to always return back to the self. 

Start by noticing where the air meets your skin, feeling the direct boundary between the self and the environment. Can you feel the chair or couch supporting you?  As you take in that sensory information, see if you can return to your internal experience and gently alternate between being aware of what’s happening outside and inside. If you notice yourself becoming disconnected to your experience, try to simply return to the physical sensations like the rising and falling of a breath. 

Then allow the sounds of your environment to enter your awareness. Is there a ticking of a clock? Cars rolling past the window? Take in any sounds you notice, and return back to what you’re feeling inside, gently alternating awareness. 

Do the same process for smells, being sure to alternate your attention outward and inward. Lastly, try this same method with sight. Slowly allow the light to come in through your eyes, taking in colors and textures more immediately near you. Close your eyes again, turning inward. Each time you move back into the environment, see if you can expand the realm of your awareness, while maintaining contact to your internal experience. Lastly, see if you can zoom out and observe yourself moving through this process. 

I hope this exercise can be the start to a continued process of learning how to find yourself during times of uncertainty. As you grow more comfortable and familiar with your internal world, may more space open up to take in more of the outside world.