Astrid Burke, MHC

It’s that time again when we mark the passing of another year and reflect on changes we hope to make for the future. While the act of recognizing areas of growth and setting goals to make positive change can help us move towards more intentional living, the cultural pressure for rapid change beginning January 1st can give our inner critic permission to run amok. Often, setting New Year’s resolutions involves looking at what we’re doing “wrong” and tearing ourselves down in the name of “new year, new me.” The start of a new year can open us up to negative self-talk, a self-blaming, critical, comparative voice, under the hopes that it will motivate us towards achieving resolutions that look more like a self-criticisms condensed into a to-do list. 

The truth is self-criticism can lead to stress, procrastination, and lowered self-esteem. Prioritizing self-compassion and treating yourself with kindness rather than criticism helps to lift shame. So how can we start the new year off with intention without giving voice to our inner critics? Here are a few exercises in reflection and creating intentions that encourage self-compassion.

Celebrate Your Victories

Setting New Year’s resolutions can often look like a two-part process: ruminating on your supposed short-comings and rushing to change them overnight. Rather than giving your time and energy over to your short-comings, failures, or weaknesses, give voice and power to your victories. What are some of the meaningful achievements, relationships, and habits you’ve created for yourself in the past year? Write down what your big victory is and share it with at least one person (yes, outloud) who you trust and who is going to receive your victory and celebrate it with you.

Belated Love Letter to Year-Ago-You

You could not have achieved all you’ve earned, created the connections you have, made the changes you’ve made, or gotten where you are now without year-ago-you, so thank them! Give YOU credit where it’s due. By writing it down, speaking it aloud, or in whatever way gives your thoughts meaning to you, envision year-ago-you and show them the gratitude they deserve. How has that person gotten you here? What would you like to thank them for? What do they need to hear?

Word of the Year 

Language gives our inner critics power. Often New Year’s resolutions, as well as changes we want to make at any time of year, focus on “don’t”s (“don’t spend money,” “don’t eat certain types of food”) or the ways in which our inner critic believes we’re not enough (not thin enough, smart enough, successful enough). Changing our language around our intentions can help us focus our thoughts in a non-judgmental way. Looking to this year, choose one non-judgmental word you would like to focus on. Some examples may be reflection, commitment, gratitude, independence, self-compassion, or joy. Choosing just one word provides a focus point while also turning down the volume on negative self-talk.

Fuel Your Intentions with Encouragement

So you’ve celebrated your victories from the past year, given recognition and gratitude to year-ago-you, and chosen a compassionate, non-judgmental word that encapsulates your goals and intentions for the new year. Now comes the follow-through. While it may be tempting to use shame and punishment as a motivator, believing you are “bad” or “wrong” if or when your resolutions slide will only return power and voice to your inner critic. Instead, think of how you would motivate and encourage a loved one, a best friend, or a child and give this encouragement to yourself. Write one sentence of encouragement that you can refer back to along your path this year.