Birch Cooper, MHC

Would you be friends with someone who talks to you the way you talk to yourself?

I hope so! Unfortunately for some, the answer is less clear. Similar to the way it is easier for many to have compassion for others than it is for them to have self-compassion; some of us talk to ourselves in a way that we would never allow others to.

Recognizing the disparity in how you behave toward yourself versus how you behave towards others is an important step in identifying thoughts and behaviors that might be impacting your self-esteem. Manifesting as negative self-talk or one's inner critic, some save the harshest criticisms and judgments for themselves. Although these thoughts are often automatic, it can be helpful to pause and take mental note when you find you are being critical of yourself. This acknowledgment will raise your awareness about when you are engaging in self-criticism and disrupt the unhelpful thinking style. Over time and with consistent use this can lead to insight about what types of situations are increasingly prone to lead to negative self-talk.

Beyond taking mental note, talking to yourself as you would a friend is a practice that becomes easier over time. Speaking kindly to yourself, self-compassion, and self-acceptance all go hand in hand. Along the same lines, practicing speaking to yourself in a compassionate way will contribute to an additionally consistent sense of self-worth.

I’m sure you have heard the saying,“treat others as you would like to be treated,” For some, reminding ourselves that the reverse is also true is helpful. Treating yourself as kindly as you do others is part of showing up for yourself. If you participate in negative self-talk, I welcome you to move toward putting an end to ridiculing or insulting yourself. Let’s try to be additionally mindful of our self-talk and move toward being kind, patient, and understanding with ourselves.