Birch Cooper, MHC

Self-esteem refers to an individual's sense of their value or worth, or the amount that a person approves of, appreciates, prizes, or likes themselves (Blascovich & Tomaka, 1991). In line with this definition, in his seminal book titled, Self-Esteem, Matthew McKay, PhD notes that knowing and consistently remembering one's innate value as a human being; one's self-worth is the foundation of self-esteem.

In her recorded lecture on self-esteem author Pia Mellody offers a gentle reminder or affirmation for those who struggle with low or inconsistent  levels of self-esteem, "I matter as I am." The phrase is meant to capture the concept that despite my mistakes, failures and imperfections I have value. In her lecture Pia states this simply as, “in the face of my own humanity I have value.” The idea is that a simple reminder such as this can help during a spell of momentary frustration with oneself or help ease the burden of self-blame in life changing events. 

Since the phrase "I matter as I am" does not resonate with some clients I often encourage them to choose their own words. Two important aspects when choosing an expression are that it feels authentic and that you are able to seamlessly link it to the broader concept. Therefore, as long as it feels like you and when you think of it you connect to the belief, “I have value in the face of my own humanity” your chosen phrase will work.

My favorite example from popular culture is from the musician Pink's song, "So What." It is difficult to say what meaning Pink attributes to the song’s refrain, "So what? I am a rock star" but with a little conjecture one can imagine she is saying, “In the face of adversity I know I have value.”

These lyrics in particular have helped some of my clients embrace the concept that they can use or create an expression that feels authentic to them and truly fits. The final detail is to create an expression general enough to work both when you forget to pick up groceries and when larger life events happen for instance in the case of the song, a failing relationship.